Farmer jokes

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A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."

"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "you can go join the other chickens that are around the back."

Rating: 2.8 |

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".

Rating: 3.6 |

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree".

Rating: 2.8 |

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.

"It's pretty good Pa. The food's not bad, the work's easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning."

Rating: 2.4 |

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?"
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."

Rating: 3.0 |

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